


Grocery Market AU

by ianthan (jedikhaleesi)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-09 05:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3238553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedikhaleesi/pseuds/ianthan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Fetts own a grocery market with an interesting clientele. <br/>(Still fondly named Grocery Market AU.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Anakin and Padme

**Author's Note:**

> Wow new work I'm so good. I have like eleven chapters written already. It's my best attempt at humor. Oh well. Please read and review. :)

1: Anakin, Padme, and Eggs

“And I need three cartons of eggs, five bags of Doritos, a box of that really nice Earl Grey tea-”

“Hold up. Go back to three cartons of eggs!” Anakin dumped the tub of cheese dip into the grocery cart, trying not to drop his phone.

On the other end of the line, Obi-Wan sighed exasperatedly. “Three cartons of eggs. Five bags of-”

“Wait wait wait!” Anakin picked up three cartons and stacked them precariously in his arms. “Five bags of Doritos, right?”

“Yes, Anakin.”

“Okay.” He was just about to place the eggs gently into the cart when something bumped into him from behind, making him drop all three cartons. Anakin watched in horror as thirty-six eggs splattered all over the items in his cart.

“Oh dang,” he muttered. Obi-Wan was not going to be happy.

“Anakin? What happened?” Obi-Wan asked.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!”

“Anakin turned around, filling to the brim with anger, and prepared to yell at the person who had just ruined his whole day.

“What the-” he stopped abruptly.

The person who had just ruined his whole day was an angel.

“Hi,” he said.

“I’m so sorry,” the angel said, face scrunched in concern.

“Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see,” Anakin said.

The angel gave him a weird look. “Excuse me?”

“Anakin, did you just use a pickup line on me?” Obi-Wan demanded.

Anakin took his phone away from his ear, extending his arm out to the angel. “Hi. Nice to meet you. I’m Anakin.”

“Um... I’m Padme,” the angel said, shaking his hand. Anakin decided he was never going to wash that hand again. “Again, I’m so sorry about that.”

“About what?” Anakin asked, fixated on Padme tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Um,” Padme pointed to a space behind him. “That?”

He spun around. There was a grocery cart covered in eggs. “Is that mine?” he asked.

“Yes?”

Anakin blinked. “Huh.”

“ANAKIN SKYWALKER!” Obi-Wan’s tinny voice yelled from his phone.

“What?” Anakin yelled right back, bringing his phone back up to his mouth. Padme jumped, startled.

“You better be done with grocery shopping! I need to make dinner, and you know how Ahsoka gets when she’s hungry!”

“Oh, damn it,” Anakin whined.

“I’ll just- be going,” Padme said awkwardly, wheeling her cart away.

“No! Wait! Are you an interior decorator?”

“Uh, no...”

“Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Padme said, and walked away.

Anakin pouted. Damn it.


	2. Padme and her BFFs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme's friends immediately approve of Anakin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I promise that I do have ten more chapters, it's just that around the time I posted the first chapter I completely just dropped the fic and started doing what the heck ever. I've picked it up again, I promise.

“Oh my god, he’s hella hot,” Eirtae screeched, making Padme wince. “Girl, you should have gotten his number.”

Padme, Eirtae, Sabe, Rabe, Sache, and Yane were currently all watching Hot Guy- who had introduced himself as Anakin- from behind a table of half off muffins as Cody rang up his purchases.

“And he used really cute pickup lines on you! I wish someone would use cute pickup lines on me,” Sabe said wistfully.

“I would totally do the frick frack with him,” Rabe sighed dreamily.

Everyone looked at her.

“You’re so perverted, Rabe,” Yane said.

“He’s hot!”

“There’s a reason Hot Guy hit on me and not you.” Padme rolled her eyes.

“He would have hit on me if I hadn’t been over in the frozen section with Sache!”

“He would _not_ have,” Eirtae argued.

“Um, excuse you, he totally would have!”

“Stop!” Padme ordered. Immediately the bickering stopped. “As the first one to see Hot Guy and talk to him, I call dibs on him!”

“Aww,” Rabe whined. “No fair!”

“I saw him first!”

“That’s still not fair!”

“He called me an angel!”

“I ship it!” Eirtae screeched. “You two would be soooooooo cute!”

“Anidala,” Sache said suddenly. Everyone looked at her. (Sache said a maximum of ten words a day.) “Ship name.”

“That’s perfect!” Eirtae threw her hands in the air, utterly delighted. “You two are going to get married, and it’s going to be the most beautiful wedding, and all five of us are all going to be bridesmaids-”

“And obviously I’ll catch the bouquet,” Rabe put in. “But don’t make us wear yellow dresses. None of us look good in yellow.”

“Stop planning my wedding! I don’t even have Hot Guy’s number!”

“Um, what are you talking about? You totally do,” Eirtae said.

“Um, what are you talking about? I totally don’t.” Padme imitated her friend’s posture, hip popped out and arms crossed.

“Sache?” the other girl prompted.

Sache held up a slip of paper.

“Our precious Sache pickpocketed Hot Guy’s phone, of course, and wrote his number down. By the way, he’s an iPhone kind of guy.”

Padme snatched the piece of paper from Sache’s hand. “Is this legit?”

“Hella,” Eirtae answered emphatically.

“Didn’t you just say that I should’ve gotten his number?”

“She was trying to make you go talk to Hot Guy again,” Yane piped up. “But since you didn’t, she decided to reveal that we totally stalked you while you had your conversation with him.”

“Um...”

“ _Yane_!” Sabe hissed. “You weren’t supposed to say that!”

“Okay, I’ve got two things to say. One: you guys are, like, really weird. Two: do you know how stalkerish it would be if I just randomly called him?”

“But he probably wants you to call him,” Sabe said reasonably. “I would call him.”

“There is a reason _I_ am the decision maker in this group,” Padme snapped. “I will _not_ call him. Let’s go. We are done shopping, and have been done shopping, for half an hour. Half an hour that we could have been using to-”

“Bye, Padme’s future husband,” Eirtae whispered in Hot Guy’s direction.

Rabe was much more forward. “Bye, Hot Guy!” she screamed across the store, grabbing everyone’s attention.

Padme facepalmed.


	3. Christmas Decor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eirtae has a plan to get Padme and Hot Guy together!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind, I wrote this chapter around January/February, so that's why I used Christmas. Especially because my family actually does the same thing with our own Christmas decorations (tbh tho doesn't everybody?)

“But you can’t take it down!” Echo whined.

“The Christmas season is long over,” Cody said reasonably. “Which means, bye bye Christmas tree.”

“But-”

Cody took the lid off the storage container. “Ornaments off. Now.”

Echo pulled an ornament off the tree, pouting.

-

“Okay. It’s time for plan number 82193475729345 in the binder ‘How to Get Padme and Hot Guy Together’. Everybody ready?” Eirtae chirped.

“Why can’t we use plan 82193475729344 again?” Sabe asked.

Eirtae pinned her with a glare that could melt ice. “Because, Padme said that she won’t agree to any plan that requires her getting stuck in a small space for an extended period of time, thus eliminating plan numbers 098823457128345, 123457382938471-”

“Got it. Thank you,” Sabe interrupted. “Please, continue briefing us on plan 82193475729345.”

“Thank you. Plan 82193475729345, otherwise known as Operation Mistletoe, relies on Fett Grocery Market and their tendency to not take down their Christmas decorations until the middle of March. Part 1 of Operation Mistletoe requires us to hang a sprig of mistletoe somewhere strategic, in a place where Padme and Hot Guy could meet and have it be a believable meeting. Thus, we cannot hang it in the ice cream aisle, because, and I quote, ‘I would never buy ice cream from a-’”

“Yes, we all know Padme’s prejudices against grocery market ice cream,” Rabe said impatiently, rolling her eyes. “Part 2, please.”

Eirtae sniffed haughtily. “Part 2 of Operation Mistletoe requires us to trick both Padme and Hot Guy into standing under it, and then looking up and seeing it. Then they’ll kiss! And Part 3: they’ll get married, and we’ll be bridesmaids, and everyone will be happy!”

“Part 3 has a few leaps in logic, Eirtae,” Yane said.

“No it doesn’t!” Eirtae threw down her laser pointer. “None of you appreciate any of my plans!”

“Are you kidding?” Rabe asked flatly. “If we didn’t appreciate your plans, would we have sat through the briefings on plan 000000000000001, 000000000000002, 000000-”

“Basically, what Rabe is trying to say,” Sabe interjected, “is that we appreciate you and love you from the bottom of our hearts, Eirtae, despite the extraordinary number of plans that you can make with 15 digits.”

“Thank you, Sabe. At least _you_ appreciate me.” Eirtae threw her nose in the air.

“Now, are we actually going to use that plan or not?” Yane asked. “That is the question.”

“It’s actually half-reasonable,” Rabe said. “I mean, it’s better than that plan where we all dress up as sharks and throw them into a pool...”

“Any plan is better than that plan!”

“Let’s just be done with it,” Sache said out of nowhere. “Let’s use it.”

“Well, if Sache says we should use it, we should use it,” Sabe remarked. “I mean, seeing as she’s the most reasonable out of all of us.”

“Excuse you, I’m perfectly reasonable!” Eirtae, Rabe, and Yane exclaimed in unison.

“Blah blah blah, whatever. Come on. Let’s execute part 1. Who knows where they sell mistletoe?”

-

“Wow. You actually fulfilled your New Year’s Resolution,” Rex said thoughtfully, looking at the giant blank space where the Christmas tree used to be. “You managed to get us to take down the Christmas decorations a month earlier than we usually do.”

“I know. It’s a miracle,” Cody answered, smiling widely. “Isn’t that brilliant?”

“No,” Echo muttered. “No, it’s not.”

-

The instant Sabe stepped inside Fett Grocery Market, she knew something was wrong. She turned to her left, looking around for the distinct, fifteen-foot Christmas tree with ten thousand ornaments-

And didn’t find it!

“OH. MY. GOD!” she screamed. “EIRTAE!”

Eirtae dashed inside the grocery market, took one look at her surroundings, and burst into tears.

“Wow. The plan’s failed already,” Rabe said, looking around at the conspicuously Christmas-decoration-less grocery store.

“This is a failure!” Eirtae wailed. “I am a failure! Plan 82193475729345 is a failure!” She whipped out her gigantic binder labeled 'How to Get Padme and Hot Guy Together', threw it on the ground, and started stomping on it.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” one of the cashiers said to Yane. “Is your friend all right?”

“Um...” Yane looked at Eirtae, then back at the cashier. “She _will_ be all right?”

 


	4. Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After last Saturday's fiasco, Obi-Wan is not letting Anakin shop alone.

“Remind me why you’re here again?” Anakin grumbled, sullenly pushing the grocery cart down the coffee aisle.

“Because you clearly cannot do the grocery shopping in a timely manner! Which was proven last Saturday when you came home thirty minutes late!” Obi-Wan pulled a bag of Starbucks coffee off a shelf and threw it into the cart, checking off another item on his list.

“I told you, that wasn’t my fault!”

“No, you told me that it was an _angel_ ’s fault! An angel! Really, Anakin?”

“She _was_ an angel!” Anakin exclaimed exasperatedly.

“SAMPLES!” Ahsoka screamed from somewhere in the vastness of the store.

“Why did you have to bring Ahsoka? You know how she gets when there are samples,” Obi-Wan scolded.

“So that I don’t go insane from your nagging!”

“I wouldn’t be nagging you if you could just do it right!”

“Is there really such a thing as grocery shopping _right_?”

“It’s called doing it in a timely fashion so that I can make dinner and we can all eat it in front of the TV while watching the newest episode of Supernatural!”

“I don’t even like Supernatural!” Anakin said angrily, dropping a milk carton into the cart.

Obi-Wan gasped. “Blasphemy!”

“He’s just saying that because Jared Padalecki has better hair than he does,” Ahsoka said, having appeared out of nowhere and into the cart with a cheese cube in her hand. “You guys try the cheese samples?”

“He does _not_ have better hair than I do,” Anakin muttered, snatching the cheese and stuffing it in his mouth.

“Um, he so does,” Ahsoka countered, pulling out another cheese cube. “Isn’t that right, Obi-Wan?”

“She’s right,” Obi-Wan informed Anakin.

“He does _not_ have better hair than I do!”

They turned into the cookie aisle.

“OREOS!” Ahsoka shrieked, jumping out of the cart and snatching five packs off the shelf.

“I told you we shouldn’t have brought Ahsoka!” Obi-Wan said, putting his hands on his hips. “Now we’ll have to buy her Oreos!”

“Ahsoka, 3 Oreo cookies contain 160 calories in total,” Anakin informed the girl. "Because packages contain 39 cookies in total, one whole package contains 2,080 calories. You eat one package in one sitting. Assuming your daily calorie total is 2000 calories, which of course you don't conform to, but assuming-"

“I'll just exercise,” she snapped back. “Why don’t you try it sometime?”

“How do you think I got these?” Anakin flexed his biceps.

“Save it for your _angel_.”

“No Oreos! I made Anakin buy you Doritos last time. We’re going to the fruit and vegetables section!”

“Eww, vegetables,” Anakin and Ahsoka muttered in unison.

“They’re healthy! Besides, do you want mangoes or not?"

“MANGOES!” In the blink of an eye Ahsoka was back inside the grocery cart. “We’re off to get some mangoes, the wonderful mangoes of Oz!”

“Will you make apple pie?” Anakin asked Obi-Wan. “I want apple pie.”

“I WANT MANGOES!”

“That was a completely irrelevant question,” Obi-Wan answered. “No. I will not be making apple pie.”

“Why not?”

“Because at this rate, we’ll never get home in time to watch Supernatural, much less make a pie!”

“We can skip Supernatural for a week,” Anakin coaxed.

“WE CAN’T SKIP SUPERNATURAL!” Ahsoka screamed. “SUPERNATURAL IS A TRADITION!”

“See?” Obi-Wan said. “Supernatural is a tradition.”

“Well, I want pie!”

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, stomping off to the vegetables section. “Ahsoka, do you want mangoes or not?”

“MANGOES!” The Togruta leaped out of the cart and followed him.

~

“And your total today is three hundred seventy-five dollars and one cent.” Anakin couldn’t even see the cashier behind the piles of groceries stacked in front of him.

Obi-Wan reached over the barricade of groceries and dropped a few bills plus a penny. The cashier made a noise like something had just fallen on his face.

Ahsoka was holding ten mangoes to her chest, cradling them like babies. “Mango mango mango, mango mango mango,” she chanted, swinging them back and forth.

“Don’t you want to put those in a bag?” Anakin asked. “You could drop them.”

“I’ll drop your face,” she snapped.

Anakin put his hands up in surrender.

“Thank you for your purchases,” the unseen cashier said. “Have a nice weekend!”

“You too!” Obi-Wan replied happily, wheeling the empty grocery cart away.

“Obi-Wan! We still need to actually get the groceries to the car!” Anakin yelled to his friend’s retreating back.

“You’re the muscle!” Obi-Wan yelled back. “If you do it, I’ll bake you a pie!”

Anakin considered the pile of groceries in front of him, and then considered the pie.

~

“Thank you, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said as he loaded the groceries into the back of their minivan. 

“Well, I wanted pie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, they own a minivan. Don't ask me about the hows or the whys.


	5. Perfect Apple Pie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin wants a crust made from scratch. Ahsoka wants him to shut up. Obi-Wan wants the knife away from his head.

“Anakin, slice the apples.”

“But you’re the one making the pie!”

“You’re the one eating it! Slice the apples!”

“I’ll miss the opener for Supernatural!”

“At this rate, I’m going to miss the whole episode! And if you’re going to keep pretending that you don’t like Supernatural, you might not want to use it as an excuse!”

Anakin reached for the knife, grumbling under his breath as Obi-Wan handed him six apples.

“Is that a _premade pie crust_?” Anakin shrieked as Obi-Wan drew out the item in question from the grocery bag.

“Well, I'm sorry if I don’t have time to make a crust from scratch!”

“This is a disgrace! _You’re_ a disgrace!”

“SHUT UP!” Ahsoka yelled from the living room. “MAKE THE DAMN PIE!”

Obi-Wan glared at Anakin. “You heard her. Slice the apples.”

Anakin sliced the apples.

Making sure that Anakin was focused, Obi-Wan pulled out the ingredients for the real pie crust. (Pre-made crusts? Disgraces! He totally agreed with the idiot he called a friend on that one.) He took out a bowl, mixed flour, salt, and sugar, and-

“You lied to me!”

Obi-Wan whirled around. Anakin was holding the knife dangerously close to his nose.

“You’re making a real crust!” the other man literally jumped in joy and threw his arms around him. “I knew you loved me, Obi-Wan!”

He froze in Anakin's grip. The knife gently brushed the back of his head. “Get off,” he grumbled.

“Oh, thank you, Obi-Wan!”

“Get off so I can finish making your pie!”

“Okay, okay!” Anakin flew out of the room, waving the knife around. “He’s making a real crust, Ahsoka!”

There was a piercing scream, followed by, “GET THE KNIFE OUT OF MY FACE!”

A sheepish Anakin tromped back into the kitchen, set the knife down on the counter, and danced out again. “PIE PIE PIE!”

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never meant to insult anyone who uses premade pie crusts.


	6. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and Padme's BFFs meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for two weeks now. I'm going to blame my stint at debate camp... but that only explains one week. I have no excuse otherwise. Oh, and 12 chapters? 12 until I write more.

“I swear to God, if you propose one more plan-” Sabe threatened, shaking her fist ominously in front of Eirtae’s face.

“Do you want Padme to get married to Hot Guy or not?”

“I’m right here,” Padme said.

Sabe deflated. “Yes,” she admitted.

“I’m _right here_ ,” Padme repeated.

“Okay, Padme.” Eirtae whirled around and clapped her hands. “Are you ready? This could determine your future. Our futures. The future of the future generation.”

Yane rolled her eyes.

“You see Hot Guy?”

“Yes, Eirtae, I see Anakin. Goodbye.” Padme walked away.

“You’re going to ruin it!” Eirtae screeched. “You’re going to ruin your future! Our futures! The futures of the future generation!”

“Eirtae, stop yelling,” Rabe said. “We’re attracting attention.”

Eirtae huffed.

“Come on,” Sabe said. “Let’s go get some shopping done.”

~

By ‘let’s go get some shopping done’, Yane was quite sure that Sabe hadn’t meant ‘let’s go stalk Padme as she and Hot Guy talk’. It looked like an interesting talk, she supposed.

“Where’s Sache?” Rabe hissed.

“Who cares?” Eirtae hissed back.

“I bought the groceries.”

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear,” Sabe quoted.

“Sache’s not a he.”

“It was a proverb!”

“Can you hear what they’re saying?” Eirtae whispered, peering out cautiously from in between cereal boxes.

“Let’s leave them alone,” Yane suggested.

“No! That’s a bad idea!”

~

Padme was just glad that Anakin was ignoring the fact that five girls were stalking them.

~

Anakin was just glad that Ahsoka had gotten distracted by samples and that Obi-Wan was at work.

~

“What the hell are you doing?” a new voice asked.

All of them spun around at once to find a Togruta watching them, two cups of that shuura fruit juice they’d been handing out in her hands.

“We’re- uh- well-”

“Is that Anakin? With a girl?” The Togruta dropped her cups, ignoring the juice splattering everywhere, and shoved herself right in between Eirtae and Rabe.

“You know Hot Guy?” Sabe asked.

“I’m one of his housemates,” the Togruta girl said. “What about you? Who are you guys?”

“We’re Padme’s friends. And housemates too, I suppose.”

“Cool.” The Togruta stuck her head out. “Wow. He’s actually with a girl. Wow.”

“Aren’t they perfect together?” Eirtae asked her.

The Togruta thought for a minute, then shrieked, “ANAKIN! I SHIP YOU AND THAT GIRL SO HARD!”

~

Anakin facepalmed.

~

Padme was really hoping that Anakin wouldn’t notice the five other girls with the Togruta.

~

Anakin and Padme had come to a mutual agreement: he’d pretend that her five friends didn’t exist, and she’d pretend she’d never seen the Togruta (‘Ahsoka. Aka the most annoying organism in existence’) in her life.

Which was how they’d come to the cafe extension of Fett Grocery Market where they were enjoying... well, caf.

“Do you wanna do this again sometime?” Anakin asked.

“Yeah, of course! Just...”

“Yeah?” he asked nervously.

“Can we both leave our friends at home?”

“Yes. Let’s,” he agreed, watching as Ahsoka and Eirtae whispered way too happily over a binder that he was pretty sure was labeled ‘Anakin and Padme’s Wedding’. “ _Please._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anakin and Padme just can't catch a break, can they?


	7. Luminara and Gree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two awkward people don't know how to conduct themselves in what really shouldn't be an awkward situation.

Luminara had a problem. One that visits all females about once a month. See, the problem was that she wasn’t prepared for this problem.

Which led to _this_ problem.

She needed supplies to deal with her problem, but Fett’s Grocery Market wasn’t the best place to buy tampons at. Usually, this problem was averted because she’d buy them at another store, but this time it was urgent and she’d forgotten that Fett’s Grocery Market was run by a bunch of guys, and that therefore all the cashiers were male...

“Hey, can I help you?” one of said male cashiers called out kindly.

“Um- um, yeah, I suppose.” Luminara’s cheeks burned as she approached the register and set her box down.

The cashier smiled at her (it was a nice smile, and he was a cute cashier), looked down at the box, and promptly turned red.

“Oh,” he said.

“Yeah,” she muttered.

“Okay.” His voice got high at the end.

He scanned her box. She awkwardly handed him twenty bucks. He awkwardly handed her the change.

“Have a nice weekend.” His face was still red.

“You too,” she mumbled.

She escaped as quickly as possible.

~

“At least she wasn’t buying condoms,” Cody said reasonably. “Then you wouldn’t even have a chance.”

Gree leveled a glare at his brother. “Wow. Thanks, Cody.”

“You’re welcome. At least now, if she shows up again, you can ask her if she’s single.”

“She’ll never show up again!” he lamented, burying his face in his arms. “Not with how unprofessional I was!”

Rex was snickering.

“Shut _up_ , Rex.”

~

_one week later_

“Please, Nara, please,” Barriss begged, on the verge of tears. “Just this one thing.”

“Goddammit, _fine_ ,” she snapped. _Back to Fett’s Grocery Market it is_ , she thought unhappily.

~

“Back for more?” the cute cashier asked her awkwardly. (Luminara actually read his nametag this time- _Gree_.)

‘They’re for my cousin,” she sighed.

“Oh. Okay.”

The next five minutes were even more awkward than the first time.

~

“I said it once and I’ll say it again,” Cody said in a tone he probably thought was comforting.

Gree looked for something to hit him with.

“At least she wasn’t buying co- _hey_ , that hurt!”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> actually I ship Luminara and Gree so hard lol.


	8. CGRGM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cody's Guide to Running a Grocery Market, Rules 1 to 4. Too many food fights, questionable brotherly bonding, and Obi-Wan's overuse of the word 'unsanitary'.

_There are a few simple rules to running a grocery market. And I’m going to give them to you! Stick to the rules, and you’ll be running a great grocery market in no time!_

-

**_Rule #1: No food fights._ **

“Did you just pour syrup on me?” Cody yelled.

“April Fools?” Fives tried.

Cody grabbed the bottle of cider that was currently on sale, opened it, and threw it in his brother’s face. “APRIL FOOLS YOURSELF!”

“FOOD FIGHT!” someone (probably Rex) yelled faintly from the inside of the store.

“NO! NO FOOD FIGHT!” Cody screamed, realizing what he had just done.

“DID YOU JUST THROW AN APPLE AT ME?” Bly could be loud when he was mad.

“FOOD FIGHT!”

Cody would have sprinted to the vegetable aisle to prevent further violence, but Fives chose that moment to throw a sausage in his face. And he started running into the depths of the store.

“I CALL KILLING FIVES!” Cody screeched.

Right before he was about to turn into the chips aisle, something whacked him in the face. “Is this... broccoli?”

“FIVES, RUN!” Echo yelled.

“ECHO FETT!” He hurled a box of mixed greens in his brother’s general direction.

-

**_Rule #2: Grocery markets are not karaoke bars._ **

Today was an ordinary day.

Cody could feel it in the air. He could feel the ordinary, and it felt nice.

He was going to go into his ordinary grocery store, talk with his ordinary brothers, pin on his ordinary nametag, help some ordinary old lady with her ordinary groceries-

“DOOOON’T STOP! BELIEEEEVING!”

_What._

He stormed through the automatic doors and almost died.

His beautiful ordinary grocery store was not a beautiful ordinary grocery store any longer. There were disco lights. There was a stage where the baked goods on clearance were supposed to be!

And on the stage. On the stage was his brother Oddball singing Journey.

“ODDBALL!”

“HOLD ON TO THAT FEELIN!”

“I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU!”

The music stopped abruptly, the regular lights turned on, and his brothers looked at him sheepishly.

“Hey, Cody...” Jet said quietly.

Cody turned to face his supposedly responsible brother, inwardly fuming. “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE RESPONSIBLE ONE ON THIS SHIFT!” Well, not so inwardly.

“Sorry?” his brother offered.

Cody grabbed the nearest box of muffins and chucked it at him.

-

_**Rule #3: Seriously though, no food fights.** _

-

_**Rule #4: Don’t let customers in when you haven’t finished cleaning up from the food fight.** _

Cody was mopping up a puddle of various brands of rice milk when he heard two familiar voices.

“This is so unsanitary,” Obi-Wan moaned, picking his way around fallen cartons of Greek yogurt. “I can’t believe this.”

“Shut up, Obi-Wan, just be glad they let us in.” Anakin was unbothered by all the food around him, plowing the grocery cart right through. Cody sighed and facepalmed. He’d have to clean that cart too. He should just make Jet do it. “You would’ve thrown a fit if we hadn’t been able to get our groceries on time.”

“Stop going right through the dairy products!” the other man scolded him, putting his hands on the cart handlebars as well.

“Hey, I’m the one pushing it! Let go! I-”

“You’re going to get yogurt all over our groceries! Unsanitary yogurt that the wheels plowed through! That’s _so_ unsanitary!”

“Oh my god, Obi-Wan, let go!”

Cody sighed. Again. He was so grateful that he didn’t have to live with them. Though, admittedly, they did live with that Togruta girl who ate all the samples every Saturday.

“I’m going to get mangoes!” Said Togruta girl announced, skipping ahead of the cart. With the air of a burdened soccer mom, Obi-Wan shooed her off.

It all happened in slow motion. Cody hadn’t quite mopped up all the milk yet, the girl had reached the edge of the puddle, she wasn’t looking at where her feet were going, and Obi-Wan and Anakin were following right behind her. In the next moment she was sitting in the milk and her housemates were splattered with it.

There was silence for a moment.

Obi-Wan managed to shriek “UNSANITARY!” while simultaneously spitting out milk.

“My butt hurts,” the Togruta girl complained, rubbing her tailbone.

Anakin didn’t look very angry, which was surprising. “So, why is there food everywhere?”

“Um...” Cody tried not to let his embarrassment show. “Well... you see...”

“Did you have a food fight?” the Togruta girl perked up immediately.

“...no...”

“We should have one then!” Her hand snaked out to grab a tub of butter.

“NO!”

  
  
  
  



	9. Existential Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin is simultaneously a wingman and a big brother.

“Hey Anakin!”

“Hey, Rex.” Anakin tightened his belt. He really didn’t need it falling down in the middle of his date with Padme.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, man, go ahead.” Rex seemed rather skittish today, he noted.

“You and the Togruta girl live together, right?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Well, you live together, so are you together together?”

Anakin stopped. Considered dating Ahsoka. Was scarred for life. “EWWWW!”

“So that’s a no?”

“Okay, one: just because I live with Ahsoka doesn’t mean that I want to date her. Besides, we live with another guy-” Anakin paused to consider dating Obi-Wan. Was again scarred for life. “And not once have any of us considered dating another one of us. Did that make sense?”

Rex looked confused, but he nodded anyways.

“Two: I have a girlfriend. Does going on our second date tonight make Padme my girlfriend?”

“Yes?”

“Three: ew. Ahsoka. Ew.” It occurred to Anakin that  _ Rex _ might want to date Ahsoka. “Oh, man. You must really like her _. _ ”

“What?”

“You’ve seen her at the grocery store. You've literally seen her-” He couldn't even think about the various things she had done, let alone finish that sentence.

“Well, she’s always really nice to me, and she’s really pretty, and, well....” Rex trailed off, looking sheepish.

Anakin placed a hand on his shoulder. “Okay, go ahead and ask her out. Whatever. But if you hurt her...”

“I didn’t even know her name until the beginning of this conversation and now you’re giving me the shovel talk?”

“Dude, you didn’t even know her name?” Rex looked even more sheepish. “Dude. I bring her along to Fett Grocery Market at least every other week. Come on, man.”

* * *

 

Ahsoka heard the door open and hoped it was Anakin. Otherwise, it was probably a serial killer, and she and Obi-Wan would be tragically murdered in their home.

“AHSOKA!” Anakin yelled. Good. Not a serial killer.

“WHAT?” she screamed back. 

“YOU KNOW THAT PHOTOGRAPHER? THE ONE WHO ALSO WORKS AT FETT GROCERY MARKET?”

She took a moment to think about it, and recalled a guy that she’d talked to about three times. Who was kinda nice. And, now that she actually thought about it, might have been hitting on her?

“YEAH. WHAT ABOUT HIM?”

“HIS NAME’S REX AND HE WANTS TO ASK YOU OUT.”

_ Huh. _ She processed that. “HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?”

“STOP YELLING, YOU IDIOTS! I’M TRYING TO PREPARE FOR FILMING!” And that was Obi-Wan, who was preparing to go to the set of  _ Moulin Rouge _ . He’d been filming it for as long as the three of them had been living together. Basically the past three years. It didn’t look like filming would end for another few years.

“HE TOLD ME!” 

Well, here was the existential question: does a girl go out with a guy that she’s only seen the grocery a couple of times?

“TELL HIM I TOTALLY WANT TO GO OUT WITH HIM!” The answer to that existential question was ‘yes’.

“YOU TELL HIM!”

“SHUT  _ UP _ !”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably going to post another chapter ASAP (aka later today), because... because I haven't updated in 4 months, that's why.


	10. Wedding Planning

Ahsoka and Eirtae were an hour deep into their weekly planning session for Anakin and Padme’s wedding and trying to decide the color of the bridesmaid dresses.

“Pink,” Eirtae suggested firmly (according to anyone else, “suggested firmly” would actually have meant “shouted at the top of her lungs”).

“My skin color is red! Pink would clash completely!”

“This isn’t your wedding! Make a sacrifice for Anidala!”

“This isn’t your wedding either!” Ahsoka retorted. “And wouldn’t we hate for them to be blinded by neon pink bridesmaid dresses?”

“Who said the dresses had to be neon pink?”

“Pink won’t work, plain and simple!”

“Fine. Insult pink.” Eirtae sniffed. “Never mind that it’s my best color.”

“What about white?”

“White?” Eirtae threw her hands into the air. “Then we’re all going to look like we’re the bride! And if you can pull the whole ‘it-clashes-with-my-skin’ card, then I can pull the ‘it-blends-with-my-skin’ card? Have you  _ seen _ my skin?”

Ahsoka considered the arm the other woman held out to her. “I have to agree with you on that one. What about blue?” 

“What shade?” Eirtae asked.

She blinked. “Shade?”

Eirtae proceeded to pull out a pile of loose strips with various shades of blue on them (you know, the ones that stores like Home Depot have to show you the different colors of paint?).

“Yes. Shade. Cerulean? Blue-green? Sky blue? Royal blue? Cornflower blue? Indigo?”

Ahsoka was stunned by the sheer amount of options. Intelligently, she asked, “Does indigo count as blue?”

Eirtae shrugged.

“Okay,” she mouthed soundlessly. Then she saw- miracles of miracles!- a really pretty shade of blue that was just about the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. She started pushing aside the strips, ignoring them as they fell onto the floor and Eirtae as she squawked and tried to gather them up. Finally, after about five minutes of shuffling through the ridiculous amount of strips, she found it! The one perfect shade of blue. She held it against her skin. Held it at arm’s length. Held it against Eirtae’s forehead as the other woman picked up strips. Decided it was-

“Perfect!”

A harassed-looking Eirtae popped up, hair flying everywhere, and looked at the shade of blue Ahsoka held out to her. “Turquoise?”

“Look, it matches you too!” she pointed out.

Eirtae took the strip, examined it, and squealed, “It does!”

“Do you know what this means?”

“We’ll both look super gorgeous at Anakin and Padme’s wedding!”

“We think exactly alike!” Ahsoka screeched, attaching herself to Eirtae like an octopus.

* * *

As they were browsing through dress selections, Ahsoka looked up suddenly from her datapad. “Should we let Anakin and Padme plan their own wedding? Won’t they want to do it themselves?”

Eirtae snorted. “Padme can’t plan a party for her life. But if she does decide that she wants to plan her own wedding, I’m just going to force everyone to roleplay the one we’re planning.”

Ahsoka considered this. “Good thing Anakin is so disorganized. He hates planning things.”

“Oh, that’s good. I don’t really want our efforts to go to roleplay.

“Plus, if  _ they _ plan it, imagine what color the bridesmaid dresses are going to be.”

They both shuddered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to write a chapter right now, so hopefully I update again tomorrow? Just to overload you before I ditch for another few months.   
> Oh, fuck it. I'm going to post another chapter.


	11. It's Barriss' Fault

“No!” Luminara shrieked, trying to pull away from Barriss. “No!”

“It’s just a grocery store,” Barriss reasoned. “Stop acting like a child!”

“It’s not just  _ any _ grocery store!” She yelled. “It’s  _ Fett Grocery Market _ !”

She felt more than saw her cousin roll her eyes. “So what if the cashiers are all male? Your doctoral career, much less your residency, is never going to work out if you can't interact with the opposite sex!”

“That’s not it at all,” Luminara wailed.

“Then what is it?”

As she paused in her struggle to consider how to explain her predicament, Barriss hauled her inside bodily. “No! That’s not fair!” she screeched, immediately attempting to pull away again. “Barriss Offee, I swear to-”

“Now that we’re inside, you might as well cooperate,” her cousin huffed. “All I need to buy is milk. Just one carton of milk, and then we can go home, okay?”

“No, not okay,” Luminara muttered, but stopped struggling. Despite her petite stature, Barriss had an iron grip. She could hold Luminara here all day. So Luminara just followed meekly followed her cousin, hoping that the cute cashier was nowhere in the vicinity.

Walking back and forth from the dairy section to the registers was fairly uneventful, though Luminara was fairly sure that she’d seen a Togruta and a human squabbling over a pile of paint strips. It continued to be uneventful until the cashier called out, “Next customer, please.”

They walked up to the register, Barriss handing over the carton. “How are you today, ma’am?”

“We’re fine, thank-” Luminara started automatically, then stopped. Just her luck. “Gree, right?”

The cashier looked as surprised as she felt. “Yes? Um... how do you know my name?”

“I wasn’t stalking you or anything!” she blurted. “I promise! Because that would be creepy, and I’m not weird or creepy, I promise, it’s just-” Barriss was laughing behind her hand. Luminara glared at her. “Well, it’s just that you have a nametag.”

The cashier looked down at it like he’d completely forgotten it was there. “Oh. Right. Um, how are you?”

Her cousin was looking between the two of them, mischief written all over her face.

“Do you two know each other?”

“I’ve been her cashier before,” Gree said.

“He rang up my tampons,” Luminara said, at the same time.

Barriss looked like she might die of laughter.

“Just pay for the damn milk,” Luminara muttered.

As soon as they were out of the store, Barriss pounced. “You liiiike him!”

“Stop,” she protested miserably.

“You  _ liiike _ him!” Even louder this time, catching the attention of an employee hauling carts from the parking lot. “Luminara has a cru-ush!”

“Stop,” she whined. “ _ Barriss _ ...”

* * *

 

“I’m hopeless.” Gree banged his head on the counter. “Hopeless. Hopeless, hopeless, hopeless.”

Echo was laughing at him.

“I forgot I had a nametag! How do you even forget that?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saving two more chapters for tomorrow. Or whenever. Whatever. I'm done.


End file.
